1 ‘The place was run like a prison camp. From the moment we arrived, this little man made our life a misery. 2 Definitely the flat, but I am so rarely there . . . Every time I walk through the door, it is like seeing the place for the first time. 3 The people who run the place are pitching for local trade with the promise of Park Road ambience making its way northside. 4 on strict condition you do not mention the place for fear hordes of Australian tourists will descend, spoiling it. 5 I’d sold myself cheap and I knew it. Teddy was never really big on selling the place, you know. He just didn’t want the responsibility. 6 players know he will show them no favours while he is sorting the place out. Success? It’s not just this season that Aberdeen have been underachieving. 7 My God have you seen the place? . . . It’s pretty grim isn’t it. 8 A. my mum’s sister kept saying you know Well you are going to move here like eventually erm so you might as well just leave. B. Mm. A. you know I mean like Julie here to get you know so they get used to the place B. Mm. 9 I had seen one or two women about the place. It was an insupportable situation and Felicity was a fool to go on enduring it. 10 Neighbours Celebrate As Child Molester Is Butchered At Home; Revenge Mob Kill Perv. Local councillor John Wilson read them all with a sense of outrage. “I lived there for 23 years and I didn’t recognise the place”. 11 Everyone laughed at us when the motormouth manager, John Sitton, sacked the captain half-way through a match and challenged the whole team to a fight in front of the TV cameras. Barry Hearn bought the club, tidied up the place . . . 12 Well, the place seems pretty normal . . . Lots of dykes of all ages colours and descriptions, but so far no weirdos.